You Will Live
by usaghinobaka
Summary: <html><head></head>Kurogane realises he cares for Fai and decides to keep him alive no matter what. rated M for language mainly</html>
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own the characters and so on. wish i did though... :)

well, enjoy

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><p>You Will Live<p>

Chapter 1

Kurogane knew something had changed inside him when his body had reacted to save the mage before he had been fully aware of the danger the blond had been in. His long stick had hit the mage in the stomach to prevent the large bubble of acid heading his way. He hadn't had time to think about it, but his body just swung the weapon and he had saved him. Being a completely uncalculated move, it had almost tripped the warrior off the little pole he was standing on and he had almost fallen in the acid pool beneath.

Fai had reacted in a typical Fai manner, he had laughed it off and Kurogane had been happy to just let it drop. But ever since, he had watched the man more closely and this resulted in a troublesome realization: he was beginning to care for him. Kurogane being Kurogane, he tried with all his might to stop the growth of these feelings, or to shift them towards something more normal, like hate, for example. He had heard Tomoyo say at one point that love and hate were the same thing just on opposing sides of the same line. He wanted to cross that line. Love was not a feeling for ninjas. Or if it was (and his father had been an example) it was not a feeling for Kurogane.

His attempts failed miserably, as he realized in Outo. By then his respect for the man had grown too much for the ninja's liking, but he was powerless to fight it. He kept telling himself, one could simultaneously hate and respect another, so there was no problem there. But when he saw Fai allow an oni hit him, when he saw the mage smashed into a wall hard enough to cause said wall to collapse on top of him, when he saw the pale face twisted in agony and then covered in dirt, he could no longer control himself again. He used all his might on that poor excuse of a sword and he had obliterated all living things on a radius of seventy meters or so. Just at the thought of Fai hurt. The sword had barely been able to channel all his power, and then it crumbled into a heap of metal, smoldering at his feet. When he saw Fai move and complain about his foot being sore he had wanted to grab the man and hug him and kiss him and make him promise he would never, _NEVER_ make him feel like that again. But again he kept his emotions in check. Ninjas didn't do hugs.

Instead he had told the mage that he hated people who threw their lives away like that. Fai's answer had given him nightmares for weeks.

'That means that I'm the type of person you hate the most, right?'

The type of person you hate the most. Hate the _most_. _Hate_ the most. _Hate the most_. It had run in his head over and over until he could no longer stand it. He had to do something. He realized now that, not only did he not hate Fai, but he had started to hope that Fai would like him too… sort of. So this just hurt like a motherfucker. And again, _the type of person you hate the most_.

He had to find a way to make the mage realize that he didn't hate him.

Then they were stranded in Yama. No talking for six months. At least no talking with the mage. And Kurogane was not big on talking unless absolutely necessary, so, basically, no talking. But Kurogane listened. He listened to Fai being quiet. It spoke volumes. Without the help of words, the mage pretty much had to figure things on his own, and Kurogane could help very little. But Fai managed to somehow understand every situation well enough to make the soldiers believe he just couldn't talk. No one in Yama realized Fai didn't speak the language.

And then Kurogane saw Fai fight for real. He was beyond beautiful. When they were offered a choice of weapons, Fai had gone straight to a bow and had tested it. Kurogane knew very little about bows as he had little talent for the weapon, but he knew a professional when he saw one. Fai was a professional. One that possessed a large amount of grace too. When he used his bow, he made it seem as effortless a business as drinking tea. And he took each and every one of Kurogane's enemies. Kurogane never killed in Yama, and it was all thanks to Fai. Fai had downed men with that stupid grin on his face, and his detachment had earned him the respect of all in the camp.

But Kurogane knew that killing like that in cold blood was a difficult burden to bear. So after every fight he would go to Fai's tent and offer his comfort and help in the only way he could. He was there for the mage. They would just sit there, one on the bed and the other on the floor or on Fai's chair, not speaking, just being there. Together. Kurogane had wanted to tell Fai that he was eternally thankful, but didn't know how to do it. He had once hugged the mage, but it was a very awkward thing, and the mage had given him such a panicked face that he just let his arms drop and had instead just sat on the chair and looked at him. Slowly, Fai's terror dissipated, to be replaced at first by confusion, then by the everlasting idiotic grin. He had never tried to hug the mage after that. He couldn't explain the terror in the mage's eyes, but he didn't want to give it too much thought either. It made his stomach ache and twist, it made his head boom with echoes of _I'm the type of person you hate the most, I'm the type of person you hate the most, I'm the type of person you hate the most. HATE THE MOST_.

After Yama things had sort of gone back to normal. Nicknames, teasing, pointless running around. Normal. But he knew, by now, that he cared for the mage. And he cared deeply. He tried to cope with it, really, but this was a battle for which he was unprepared. He had no weapon in this strange war, and he didn't know what to do. One thing was clear thought, he would not allow Fai to be hurt again. He would protect him. He knew it was cliché, he knew it rang with his protective streak, that it was a typical Kurogane reaction, but he didn't care. Seeing Fai lying in the rubble with dirt and pain in his eyes once proved to be once too many, thank you very much, so there would be no more of that. He would make sure.

In the country with the stupid memory books, the one that regurgitated the warrior's past like it was a text to be studied and interpreted, not his life, Fai had saved them all. Kurogane could barely believe it even as it was happening. He was infinitely frustrated at his powerlessness, but that was overshadowed by his shock. Fai was using magic. What about the guy sleeping in the water? What if that guy woke up and came for Fai? Kurogane knew now not to underestimate any person Fai was afraid of. The mage was very powerful, intelligent and skilled. Anyone who managed to scare him to the point of horrible nightmares was an opponent to be avoided if possible. The best way to win every fight was to choose to fight only those fights you could win. And Kurogane had a feeling that if he was to win to _that_ guy it would be a very close call.

But Fai had done it nonetheless. To save them. And then, before Kurogane could even recover properly, Fai was worrying over Sakura and Syaoran and telling Kurogane to rest. That he would stay awake, take the first watch. Like the mage had nothing to be tired over. It irked the warrior to no end that Fai would think they shouldn't worry about _him_. He was not to be trouble for them. He was a trifle. Not important. Kurogane wanted to drive a fist through his face just for making him think that. So he told him. He told the mage to get ready for a talk. And he was getting himself ready to confess. He had had enough. He was going to hammer the truth into Fai's head one way or the other, but he was dammed if he was going to listen to the mage belittle himself again.

So he accepted to stay at Sakura's side, using the time to create a little speech, trying to word his feelings in his head. And the next time he saw the mage his beautiful face was covered in blood and pain, and Syaoran was holding him and chewing, apparently, at Fai's eye. It had been too much. Kurogane had snapped. This could not be happening. It was, in fact, not happening. The mage was not hanging like a ragged doll in the hands of his precious little boy, he was not bleeding to death right in front of Kurogane's eyes, he had not failed to protect him yet _again_. He charged at the boy and snatched his hand before he could do more damage. And demanded that he give the mage to him. He heard the words leave his lips but he didn't feel them. He could not feel anything. He was completely and utterly dumb. When Syaoran hit him, and hit him hard, he only registered the blow because it left him winded. But he didn't care. He threw the boy across the room and then took the mage in his arms.

He saw the boy attack with magic, and he shielded the mage with his body, not feeling any pain other than the one seeing Fai like that gave him. His back didn't hurt. Only his chest hurt. And his head. The idea that Fai was going to die kept trying to form itself in his mind, but he lacked the coherence for it. He was incapable of thinking that, of imagining a world without Fai. A world where Fai died, bleeding to death in his arms. A world where Fai grew cold and stiff, a world where no one would call him Kuro-rin, or Kuro-pyon, or Kuro-wanko. A world where no one was blond and blue-eyed.

Things happened in a blur after that. People were talking, a guy who had apparently been sleeping a in a cocoon-like thing woke up, another Syaoran appeared out of thin air. Somewhere in there he had asked for a sword, apparently intending to fight, but he honestly didn't know _who_ he was going to fight. Or how he would do it with Fai in his hands.

When things cleared down and he heard intelligent-sounding conversation again, he allowed some people he vaguely remembered to take care of Fai. There was a woman who looked like she knew what she was doing, so he let her cure Fai. And he clung to the idea that Fai would somehow make it. There was no other way.

When he heard the stupid bitch say it was all pointless he wanted to kill her. Had he had a sword in his hand he would have probably done it too. How dare she say that? How dare she give up when she was still standing? There was _always_ something that could be done, why wasn't she trying harder? And then he heard the mage's voice. It turned his stomach upside down to hear it so strained by pain, so defeated. No cheer, no laughter. It sounded _wrong_. And then his words registered. He was telling them to let him die. Because something-something Syaoran's magic and stuff. Because _his_ living would make _their_ living a teeny tiny bit more difficult. He hit the wall and saw it crumble under his fist, but again he felt nothing.

'What kind of person would just resign himself to that?'

He then lunged for the mage. He was lifting him from the bed, with the intention of punching him or something when Mokona yelled something and he saw Fai's face. He wanted to be punched. He was practically begging for it, and _I'm the type of person you hate the most _clearly on his face. Kurogane softened and stayed his hand. Fai saw it and smiled a crushingly sad smile.

'I'm sorry' he whispered and then fainted, his features relaxing and his hands hanging at his side. For a terrible moment, Kurogane thought he had died, but then he registered the small rise and fall of Fai's chest. He held him tight, trying not to squeeze him too much as he grumbled for the which to give him a way to save the mage.

'The price is too high for you to pay'.

The fuck did she know? He was opening his mouth to tell her just that when some guys plunged inside yelling that the water in the reservoir was gone. God, who cared about the water? Syaoran (or whomever the kid was) and the guy who had been sleeping in the cocoon fought over taking the blame and the skinny guy won. Then he asked Yuuko for water. Kurogane wanted to tell him to stay in line, he had asked first, but then the space-time bitch was suggesting a solution to save Fai and Kurogane kept his mouth tightly shut. Subaru, the cocoon guy, was going to give Fai his blood and turn him into a vampire. Fai would then live. As a vampire. But Kurogane had to become his prey. The ninja knew the basics about vampires, that they liven on human blood. So he had to become Fai's food source. He didn't know how much blood Fai would need, or how often, but he thought the witch would only suggest this solution if it was viable, so he accepted the deal. He would pay for the water and save Fai.

Fai asked him to stop and Kurogane just shut him up. He promised to kill him himself if he really wanted it, but until then he was going to live. And Kurogane promised himself to make the mage _want_ to live. He gave Fai his blood and watched with his stomach in a knot as Fai screamed in pain. He had not screamed before, when his missing eye was killing him, but he was screaming now, occasional pants escaping his tired lips. Kurogane could do nothing but watch and hold his hand through the ordeal. It lasted forever.

It turned out the princess would pay for the water, and Kurogane let her go. He wanted to do it himself, but he was afraid to leave the mage alone. So he held his hands in tight fists as he gave the little girl he had come to love so much the advice and encouragement he thought she needed. And then he went back to the mage and watched him sleep. When the blond woke up he smiled at Kurogane and told him:

'Good morning, Kurogane.'

And with one word Fai made them enemies. Kurogane flinched at the sudden burst of pain that shot through him at the full name and the tone, but recovered fast. He would not care about that. He would keep Fai alive no matter what.

They had fought several times in the following days, and as time passed, Kurogane would be more and more concerned. Fai refused to eat. Kurogane had talked to the twin vampires and they had told him that a vampire needed to feed every ten to twelve days, that the amount of blood they needed was not that big, and that the 'victim' would not become a vampire themselves, contrary to popular belief. So he was safe. He only had to cope with some dizziness every now and then, but other than that he would be fine. He explained this to Fai, but the blond still refused to eat. Or drink, whatever.

It was now the fifteenth day since Fai's transformation and he still hadn't eaten. He was starting to waver and he would take longer getting up from a chair or bed. He would miss bits of conversation, and sometimes Kurogane could glimpse pain on his face when no one was supposed to be watching.

So Kurogane decided to take matters into his own hands. He grabbed Fai's wrist and dragged him to his room. He sat him on a chair and told him to drink.

'No, Kurogane, I will not. Stop pestering me about it. I am really not that hungry.'

'They told me you need to eat every ten days or so. It's been two weeks. You need to eat.'

'But you see, Kurogane, I am not hungry. They must have been wrong. I mean, I'm sure this kind of thing doesn't happen that often. They probably didn't know, and only offered a guess.'

'An educated guess, if you ask me. And they were vampires themselves. I'm pretty sure they were right. Now eat.'

He shoved his wrist in front of Fai's mouth and Fai flinched. Kurogane felt his hot breath on his skin and for a moment thought he had won. But then Fai slowly pushed his hand away.

'I will not tell you again, Kurogane.'

He got up from the chair, or at least tried to. He wavered dizzily and then collapsed to the floor. Kurogane smirked.

'Not really hungry, huh? I guess you're just faking then?' The mage didn't move. 'Oi, what the hell?'

He leaned and carefully touched the blond, turning him face up. He was careful because the mage reacted very badly to Kurogane touching him. It was almost as if the touch hurt or repulsed him. Kurogane didn't like to think about it, but he wasn't about to leave Fai on the floor. He had obviously fainted, his skin was a sickly yellow colour and his breathing was very shallow.

He scooped him up in his arms, marveling at the weight of the man, it was as if he was carrying Sakura, like the clothes weighed him down, his body being little more than a feather. It was wrong for someone Fai's size to weigh so little. He put the blond on the bed and turned to take a glass of water of the night-table. He poured some of that water in his hand and rubbed it against Fai's face. When the mage didn't wake up, he opened his shirt and rubbed at his neck and upper chest. His hand stopped when it started going lower. He could feel Fai's ribs through the skin, he was paper thin. The mage made a low noise and Kurogane jerked his hand back, not wanting Fai to see him in that position.

A golden eye opened slowly and it stayed yellow. The colour was beautiful, Kurogane thought, beautiful and deep, but it was somehow wrong on the mage. It signified a hunger that had gone too far, if Fai could not revert it to the regular blue. Kurogane's wrist went right in front of Fai's lips and pressed down. Fai groaned and grabbed at the wrist with both hands, opening his mouth and slowly licking the soft, vulnerable skin. A shiver of pleasure ran through Kurogane's body and his hand trembled slightly. As if waking from a dream Fai let go of the ninja's hand and closed his eye.

'Kurogane, that was a very dirty trick. I told you, I'm not hungry.' He turned his face away from Kurogane and stared at the wall.

'How stupid do you think I am? You passed out from hunger right in front of me! Eat, damn you, just fucking eat! Why the hell won't you eat?'

His face still turned towards the wall Fai trembled slightly.

'Kurogane, I just can't. Please stop trying to make me do it. I just can't.'

'Does the thought of touching me disgust you so much?' the ninja asked in a very low voice, as if afraid of the answer.

Fai sighed and turned his face to Kurogane.

'It's not disgust, not _of_ you. But I will just simply not take more from you. More of you. You already gave too much. And you will have to understand that I don't want it. Not from you.'

Seeing him like that, Kurogane considered for a moment to just leave. Damn it all to hell, this just hurt too much. But then he realized that Fai was playing him once more. He was pushing his buttons, turning him away. His mind played a nasty trick on him, showing him a very believable version of Fai's body, just slightly thinner, his skin just a little less on the side of yellow and just a little more on the side of brown, his yellow eye staring lifelessly at him, the spark in it gone. He had sworn to save the mage even against his will, and he was going to do just that.

Before Fai could react, Kurogane used his sword to cut at his wrist and then dropped the sword to the floor. Fai's eye sparkled and he inhaled as if he was smelling the most beautiful perfume ever. But he still didn't move, so Kurogane dipped the tips of his fingers in his blood and then quickly smeared it on Fai's lips. Fai moaned, grabbed at his hand and mindlessly licked the fingers clean. He then seemed to realize what he was doing and stopped. He closed his eye and let go of Kurogane's hand.

'Please…' his voice was hoarse, begging, barely under control. A tear formed at the corner of his eye and trailed down his cheek. 'Please, Kurogane, don't do this. I'll end up hurting you, I know I will. I can't do that. Please, try to understand that I can't… hurt…you.'

The last words were spoken in barely a whisper and then another tear fell on the pillow. But Kurogane didn't care. He mercilessly shoved his wrist in front of Fai and watched his blood flow slowly on Fai's lips.

'You won't hurt me. And if you don't feed, I'll just let myself bleed for a while, and then it would _really_ just be a waste.'

Fai whimpered slowly and the ninja saw him losing the fight with his hunger. He gently took the hand in font of him but didn't drink. Instead he turned his golden eye to Kurogane.

'Stop me if I take too much.' Kurogane said nothing. 'Kurogane, you have to promise me that you won't let me hurt you. Promise, damn it!'

'Promise. You won't hurt me. Now eat.'

Fai closed his eye and licked at the wound a couple of times before putting his mouth against it. Kurogane felt a sharp pain as Fai's fangs punctured his skin, but it quickly subsided. It was replaced by a warm tingling sensation. It didn't hurt at all. Now he understood the folklore. If it didn't hurt, if it was actually a little bit pleasant, it was entirely possible for a vampire to suck someone dry without the victim struggling too much. Then Kurogane focused on the sight in front of him. Fai's lips were on his skin, and he could also feel _that_. It was a sensation he liked more than the tingling, one he wanted to last as long as possible. He let his mind drift as his hand slowly relaxed. He imagined Fai's lips on his, moving slowly, he imagined them going about his chin and maybe even down his neck. He then imagined his own lips going down Fai's chin, down that pale slender neck and wondered what Fai tasted like.

His dreaming was rudely broken as Fai suddenly released his hand. He stood up, licking his lips. He stared at Kurogane, a look of utter disbelief in his eye and on his face.

'What?' Kurogane asked.

Fai recoiled at the question and shook his head. It was amazing how much better he looked.

'You should bandage that.' He said and stood up from the bed. His movements were graceful and sure once again and Kurogane was pleased to see that.

'Did you take enough?'

Fai made a chocking noise and nodded.

'I think I might have taken too much. I feel… over stuffed. How do you feel?'

'Fine. Maybe a bit dizzy. But nothing a little sleep can't cure.'

Fai watched him for a moment, as if testing his honesty. Kurogane stood up and went for his pack and took out some white strips of cloth. He didn't waver and the slight dizziness he felt as he stood up faded quickly. Fai had really not taken that much. He turned with the cloth in his hands.

'Help me with these?'

Fai hesitated. He seemed ready to say no, but Kurogane put the white strips in his hands and sat back on the bed holding his hand in the air.

'Thank you' he said.

Fai took the strips and bandaged his wrist with fast and efficient moves. The wound had already stopped bleeding. His work done he turned towards the door and opened it.

'I'll let you rest then. Good night, Kurogane.'

'Good night, Fai' he said without turning around. Once he heard the door close behind the mage he let out a long breath he didn't know he had been holding in. He put his face in his hands and growled under his breath. This was difficult, but the mage was going to eat. This was a big victory, and his heart jumped with joy at the thought. He felt like hugging something and mentally smacked himself. Ninjas didn't do hugs, remember? So he took of his shoes and went to bed. As he drifted to sleep, he let a small smile decorate his lips. Fai was fine. He was going to live.


	2. Chapter 2

2

'I'll let you rest then. Good night, Kurogane.' Fai said and then closed the door behind him. He stood in front of it for a few moments. His fingers went to his lips, then traced along his chin and down his neck, stopping at the collarbone. The sensation was strange and different.

When Kurogane had smeared his blood on Fai's lips Fai had marveled at its impossible deliciousness. Back in Tokyo Kurogane's blood had tasted like regular blood in his mouth, and Kamui's blood had tasted slightly different, but still like blood. The taste made Fai's stomach move about and Fai had even gagged at it, but he swallowed nonetheless. He had secretly hated the idea of putting blood in his mouth because of the taste too, but his main reason to refuse Kurogane was because he was afraid of hurting the man. He didn't understand why Kurogane had saved him in Tokyo. Because of the kids? But that was a joke, wasn't it?

The 'kids' had matured so suddenly that he didn't think his death would have affected them too much. He wasn't _that_ important to them anyway. He was surprised at the witch when she told him the kids were suffering for him, but she was safely home in her world, what did she know, really? He had been insulted at the fact that Kurogane had basically let Sakura pay the price for his life, he had thought the ninja loved the girl more than that. He couldn't understand the 'trust' Kurogane was asking of him.

But he was going to end this charade pretty soon. He would not feed. He would not risk Kurogane's health for himself. He saw the irony in the situation. He refused to hurt the man he was supposed to kill. Killing Kurogane was the reason he was alive. But he had known from the start he would never hurt the man. And with that another realization struck home in his mind. He would never be able to kill for his brother's life.

In Yama he had killed for the second time in his life and he had done it to save Kurogane. The ninja hadn't told him about the curse placed on him, but with his powers Fai didn't need him to. He had sensed both the curse and the blessing underneath the first time he had seen the man, just as he had sensed the true nature of both the girl and the boy in front of him. And somewhere along the way he had started caring for them.

They gradually became more and more important to him, and he struggled every day to make them laugh, to relieve some of the pain their journey brought. And in Yama he had been faced with the choice to see Kurogane slowly fade away as he killed more and more, or to save him. He chose the last. His hands were already stained with innocent blood, the blood of the most atrocious crime that could ever be committed. He knew these soldiers weren't really there, they were some kind of elaborate magic, like souls playing the same game for eternity. But still he didn't want to risk Kurogane's health on his assumption.

After the first fight the shock of what he had done hit him only when he entered his tent. He had fallen to the ground and clutched at the earth, fighting nausea and the need to vomit. He had recovered quickly as he heard Kurogane's footsteps. The ninja had entered his tent and just stood there. And for the life of him Fai couldn't understand why. He allowed it because there was no way to find out. After the second battle Kurogane again came to his tent, and Fai realized this was a way for the ninja to thank him. It made his head spin to think of it, but there was no other reason he could think of.

After the third battle Kurogane hugged him. And as he approached the mage Fai thought for a brief moment that Kurogane was going to kiss him. And he was more than horrified at his next thoughts and reactions. His heart had jumped in his chest, his pulse had risen and his mind over spilled with uncontrolled joy. His only thought was '_At last!_' he had closed his eyes, waiting for the feel of the ninja's lips. When Kurogane only hugged him he stiffened all over and a great weight dropped through his chest, leaving him devastated. And then he caught himself.

What was he thinking? What, in the name of all that was sacred and holly in all the worlds was he thinking? Why would Kurogane kiss him? And why would he want Kurogane to kiss him?

Kurogane had ended the hug when he felt Fai stiffen and had sat on Fai's chair, only looking at the mage with a confused and pained face. Somehow, Fai had managed to hurt him. He fought the horror of his realization off his face and plastered the grin back on, hoping the mask was convincing enough to fool the man in front of him. Kurogane just stood there for a while, like nothing had happened and after a while he left Fai's tent to go to sleep.

As soon as the flaps of the tent slid back closed Fai's face fell. He had crossed the line. He had allowed feelings to grow inside him. It appeared that Fai was just as idiotic as Kurogane kept calling him. After all he had been through, after Ashura, one would assume he would have learned the lesson. But no, not our Fai. No, he would promise himself to never care, he would swear in fact to keep away from people. And then he promptly fell for the guy he was supposed to kill. He was ok with caring for Syaoran and Sakura, they were both clones, no harm to any of them if he cared for them. But Kurogane? Oh, he had really done it now. It was a relief the guy didn't like him. If Kurogane liked him, he would be in a world of trouble.

That's what he had thought back then. And when the kids came back and things went back to normal he made sure to tease the ninja as much as he could. He even came up with the nickname 'daddy' because it pissed the ninja to no end. But he found himself constantly worrying for the man. He seemed rough, but he was in fact gentle and caring, and he had a need to protect others that was just ridiculous, really. He would feel responsible for every little thing that happened wrong and he would allow any number of wounds to be inflicted upon him just to save the others a little trouble.

And in the country of the books he had seen his face when he realized there was nothing he could do. They were trapped, really trapped, there was no way out. But Kurogane had looked determined to defend them even then. They were severely outnumbered, and by people who could use serious magic no less. Kurogane knew how pointless his efforts would prove to be, they were dead no matter what, be he was determined to die standing, to die defending the ones he wanted to protect. And he had unconsciously placed himself in front of Fai, as if the mage was the one to be protected the most. So Fai had denied the ninja a glorious death. The shield he had created was really not much, it used very little of his power, and there was a chance it would pass unnoticed by his sleeping king. Mokona transported them to Tokyo and saved them for a little while. Tokyo looked more dangerous, but it really wasn't.

But then he had seen the clone's eye seal start to break and he just couldn't allow that to happen. He liked Syaoran, and he couldn't think of how Sakura would feel if her beloved little protector would just disappear. So he had used his magic again. This time he knew things would not go unnoticed, but he didn't really care. Ashura could come and kill him if he wanted, but Fai could not let Syaoran or Sakura go through that.

His magic was not enough. The seal broke and Fai stared as the boy became nothing more than a body with a will. And the body came close to him and hit him across the face. Then he felt himself be lifted and stared into the empty eyes. He heard the words but only registered what was happening when Syaoran grabbed at his face and then, in a quick flash, tore his eye out. The pain ran through his head, and protective magic arched about him. He barely contained a reflex to fry the boy and then the pain was just too much. He allowed himself to drift away, thinking that this death was a lot better than he deserved. To die at the hands of someone he loved, and for the death to be this quick. It was a relief, so he just let himself go.

He was surprised to awake again. Somehow, Syaoran hadn't taken his other eye, so he was still alive. But it wasn't for long, he could feel it. He heard people talking around him and Mokona's voice calling for Yuuko to save him. He told them to stop, to let him go, but a crashing sound made him flinch and then he felt Kurogane's hand grab him. He opened his eye and the light hurt him, but he stared into the ninja's face. It was the mask of anger and disgust, but Fai could see the sickening despair underneath, so he apologized to the man before he fainted again.

When he woke up again he heard Kurogane agree to do something that he just couldn't allow. He would not allow Kurogane to pay such a price. He begged him not to do it, but then the ninja told him that if he really wanted to die he'd do it himself. With that Fai closed his eyes and then he tasted blood in his mouth. The pain that followed was terrible, more so than the eye, and it seemed to last longer. But at long last it subsided and he fell into a dreamless sleep.

When he woke up Kurogane was near him. And Fai felt himself more alive than he had been in a long time. He had been saved. He was not going to die. The ninja had done it. Why in the world did he do it? Why couldn't he just let him die? Was it so hard to understand that Fai didn't want to live? He hated the ninja for saving him, so the first words he said were sharp blades sent to cut deep into the man's heart. And as Fai watched, he saw the ninja flinch at the full name and he didn't like it. Why did he feel like hurting the man even more? After all he had done for him?

And now this. Fai wouldn't eat. He didn't know how much blood he needed, but he supposed it was a lot. So he decided not to take it. Hunger, this new hunger was a very painful thing. It moved around his entire body like waves of needles, puncturing his insides. It was difficult to keep a straight face now, but he didn't think he would have to go through it much longer. He gave himself another two, maybe three days. Death would hurt, he knew that, but it was no less than he deserved.

He had fainted a couple of times by now, but he had been alone and so no one suspected anything. But then he had fainted in front of Kurogane, and really, how stupid was that? And waking up dizzy didn't help. He had seen the ninja, he had smelled the ninja and he had wanted him. When Kurogane had smeared his blood on Fai's lips, the blond vampire tasted the most delicious thing he had ever tasted in his life. It was better than cake, better than cappuccino, better than chocolate, better even than alcohol. It was pure bliss in a liquid form. He wanted more, but still he was afraid. He made Kurogane promise he would not allow any hurt, and then he bit on the beautiful hand.

He thought he was ready for the taste, and maybe he was. But he most definitely was not ready for the _emotion_. When taken directly from the wrist, Kurogane tasted even better. And slowly, along with the blood, Fai also got a large portion of the ninja's heart. The other's feelings had invaded him, taking over, washing him in such love, devotion, despair, need to protect, determination that Fai could barely swallow. The sheer intensity of it all left him breathless. And then he could _feel_ Kurogane's mouth on his lips, then going down on his chin, then down his neck, kissing and caressing. It had sent shivers down his spine, pleasure invading his body and making it sing above the confusion the foreign emotions created. He wanted Kurogane to do just that, to kiss him, to touch him, to…

He suddenly realized what he was doing. He took the wrist away from his lips and everything faded away. It left him feeling… empty somehow. And the look on Kurogane's face made him think that he and not dreamed the whole experience. It shocked him.

'What?' the ninja said, breaking his line of thought.

He had got up from the bed and on his way to the door once he saw the warrior was alright, but he had to bandage his wrist first. He wanted to be away from the man, to clear his head, but he took care of the wound created for him, and only then left.

Now he was just leaning against the door, not knowing what to believe. He heard Kurogane growl something under his breath and couldn't suppress a tired smile. The man really was like a spoiled puppy sometimes.

Fai went to his room and lay on the bed. He was feeling infinitely better. It was amazing. Just half an hour ago sitting and getting up had been monstruously difficult. Now he felt he could run for hours, jump and scream. He felt _alive_. Kurogane had tricked him out of death once again. And this time the saving packed a punch.

He knew now he could not sleep. Thoughts and questions kept him awake for the longest of times. He had to know. He had to make sure the ninja was not feeling those feelings, he had to make sure it had all been a strange side effect of the vampire feeding thing.

He got up from bed and went to Kurogane's room. He knocked on the door but got no answer. He slowly entered and closed the door behind him, but quickly realized the ninja was not there. He was not in the room. Panic hit him from all directions before he could even rationalize it. Where could the ninja be? Why would he leave in the middle of the night? Where would he go?

The door opened and a dark form entered. It went straight for the bed and sleepily knocked the vampire over.

'What the… Fai, what are you doing here?' the ninja sounded confused and sleepy, his voice huskier than usual.

'I… I wanted to talk to you.'

'Right smack in the middle of the fucking night he wants to talk.' He growled as he fumbled for the switch and the artificial candle threw a cold and white shadowless light in the room. It made both men flinch from the difference.

Kurogane went to the bed and sat down, motioning to Fai to take a chair from the table.

'Ok, I'm awake. Now talk.'

Fai was at a loss. What was he supposed to say? Ask the warrior in front of him if he was in love? Really, now…

'Where were you?'

'Bathroom. Now talk.'

Now Fai wished he had just stayed in his room.

'Fai, if something is bothering you, you should just let it out.'

Easier said than done.

'Right. I don't know how to say this, and it may prove to be a cosmic joke… and I think that that's really the case, it's just so… improbable… or I just read it the wrong way, which again is rather possible…'

He was ranting, he knew it, but he couldn't help it. He was feeling embarrassed, but at the same time hopeful, and the last bit scared him. He kept telling himself that he had to _kill_ Kurogane, that was the reason he was alive. But then again, Kurogane had saved his life more than three times so far, so he really was more indebted to the warrior, but still. From there to love was a HUGE step.

Kurogane's hand grabbed his and Fai flinched. He had stopped talking. Kurogane was looking at him in a strange way.

'Fai? Are you alright? Is it the blood? You look a little flushed.'

His other hand went to the vampire's forehead and stayed there for a while.

Fai leaned into the touch and closed his eye. And then he just let it out.

'Kurogane, were you stupid enough to fall in love with me?'

The hand on his forehead froze and he felt the ninja tense on the bed. He opened his eye and saw Kurogane's face pale a little as his eyes widened. Fai's stomach plummeted through his entire body. He didn't know if it was joy or pain, but he was suddenly very afraid for the ninja. Everyone that had loved him had died or been seriously injured. Everyone.

'Wh… why do you ask?' Kurogane said in a low, defeated voice.

'I… I felt it… with the blood.'

'Huh… they forgot to mention that, now didn't they?'

They were both quiet for a long time, until Fai could no longer take it.

'Well?'

'Well what?'

'Are you? Stupid enough to love me?'

'Yeah. But I wouldn't call it stupid. And it has nothing to do with you.'

Fai blinked a couple of times in such sincere surprise that Kurogane almost laughed.

'It has nothing to do with me?'

'Yeah, that's what I said. You can go on with your little drama, but now you know I will _never_ allow anyone to hurt you, not even yourself. So I promise to keep you safe no matter what. I always keep my promises.'

'Why?'

'Because it's the honorable thing to do.'

'No, why do you love me?'

Kurogane sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

'I don't know, mage, I just do. Now go to sleep, I'm tired.'

Fai's face fell.

'What?'

'Go. To. Sleep. I'm. Tired. Got it?'

'But what about me?'

'You got your own room. Across the hall.'

Fai let out a frustrated grunt.

'You know what I mean.'

'Hmm… I know you want to die, for some reason you think you're not worth much, but you'll grow out of it. You have to. Because if you think I could ever ... errr...love something that was worthless you're dumber than I thought you were… and I think you're pretty dumb. Now go, let me be.'

The ninja's words ran through Fai like knives and cut at him mercilessly. He had to tell him. The ninja had to know that the one he was so determined to save was supposed to be his executioner.

'Kuro…'

The warrior's eyes widened in surprise at Fai's hesitation to say his full name, but then glazed over as Fai continued.

'Kurogane… I have to kill you.'

'You do?' an eyebrow was raised and his lips had a smirk on them. 'Why?'

The mage looked down at his hands. 'It's to get my dream… it's what I have to do to get my dream…'

'Are you gonna do it now?' Kurogane asked somewhat amused at the thought of Fai trying that.

Fai's head shot up, his blue eye wide in horror.

'No!' he screamed. 'No,' he continued in a more contained voice. 'No, I couldn't do that. Not ever.'

He got up from the chair and turned to leave, but Kurogane grabbed his hand and made him stop.

'You know, if you did that, you might even get your death wish. Without me alive you'd die. And I'm sure those vampire abilities would be too much for me if you really put your mind to it.' He chuckled. The sound was oddly flat. 'And I think that's the only way I'm gonna _let_ you die. Over _my _dead body.'

Fai shuddered. He knew the ninja was right, he could easily kill Kurogane now, especially after having eaten. It would probably take less than a second. For a moment he felt tempted, his mind clouded by rage and regret and disgust at himself and the life he was forced to live. He turned suddenly, flipped his hand out of Kurogane's and, before the other could even register the movement, he flung the ninja on the bed, effectively pinning him under his knees. He looked at those red eyes as they widened in surprise and then anger. But not fear.

He needed fear. Maybe fear could cure the 'love'. He leaned closer and took one hand to put it around the ninja's neck. The man didn't flinch. He kept staring into Fai's eyes, his expression unreadable.

No matter how hard he tried, Fai could not get his hand to close around that neck. He closed his eye and breathed slowly. He relaxed and got up from Kurogane.

'I'm useless as an assassin, as you can see.' He tried to keep his tone light but failed.

'It means you want to live. It's OK.'

Fai almost laughed.

'No, Kurogane, it just means I don't want to drag you with me.'

'What ever. Now, if you don't mind, I'd _really_ like to sleep. So be a good mage and close the door behind you, will you?'

Without waiting for the blond to comply he lay on the bed and closed his eyes. Fai looked at him for a while, unable to wrap his mind around the fact that Kurogane had made a joke. He smiled to himself and turned to leave.

'Should I also kill the light?'

The ninja grunted his response.

Fai left without another word. When he entered his room he stared at his empty bed. It looked so cold.

He lay on it, folded his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling until morning.


End file.
